28 is not too old to be single anymore.
It’s hard to believe it’s been 19 years since Cameron Diaz gave the most charmingly terrible karaoke performance in film history in “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” Life seemed so simple back then: Harry Potter was the new kid on bookstore shelves, Will Ferrell was the new kind on “SNL,” and people were rocking out to Chumbawumba left and right. And, of course, Julia Roberts took her very first role as a low-down scheming relationship wrecker in “MBFW.”
The world has changed a lot since then and remakes are all the rage, so we decided to take a crack at imagining what “My Best Friend’s Wedding” would look like if it got rebooted for 2016.
1. THAT MARRIAGE PACT WOULD’VE GOTTEN PUSHED BACK A FEW YEARS
In the original incarnation of the film, Julia Roberts’s and Dermot Mulroney’s characters make a pact, vowing that if they’re both unmarried by the ripe old age of…um…28, they’ll marry each other. Because,…obviously,…if you haven’t found your soulmate by…er….28, it’s probably never going to happen?
Flash forward to 2016 where research shows that not only fewer couples than ever are getting married, but those who are tend to wait a whole lot longer. The average age for women to get married now is 27 and 29 for men, so if “MBFW” took place today, Julianne and Michael would probably need to push their pact way, way back to at least 40.
And did we mention that Cameron Diaz’s character Kimmy is getting married at age 20 in this movie? Is it just us or does that seem extraordinarily young? When we were 20 years old we were still bringing our laundry home to our moms, so maybe we’re not the best people to ask about adult life decisions, but wow. Just, wow 1997.
2. KIMMY WOULD’VE BEEN A PINTEREST WEDDING QUEEN
If you wanted to get fresh wedding planning ideas way back in 1997, you pretty much had to hire a person to think them up straight out of their (gasp) mind. Pinterest changed the game when it went live in 2010, and now the site features thousands upon thousands of ideas for floral arrangements, favors, cakes, dresses, hairstyles, decorations and invitations. It’s enough to inspire a high-pitched scream of Kimmy Wallace proportions.
3.THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN A “SAY A LITTLE PRAYER FOR YOU” FLASH MOB
One of our absolute favorite scenes from “MBFW” is obviously the rehearsal dinner scene where Rupert Everett leads a gleeful group performance of Dionne Warwick’s classic “I Say a Little Prayer for You.” But if the scene had gone down in 2016, there clearly would have been an epic flash mob choreographed dance to accompany the tune. We can definitely see those twin trollop cousins doing a Whip-Nae-Nae style duet during the chorus.
4. STREAM A LITTLE STREAM
Way back in 1997, people actually had to leave their homes and get on a plane and fly to Chicago if they wanted to witness the hurried nuptials of Michael O’Neal and Kimberly Wallace. In 2016, the devastatingly adorable couple could have just streamed the entire ceremony on Facebook Live. We wonder if Julianne would have showed up at the wedding at all or just watched the whole thing while sobbing in bed after hitting the minibar too hard and applying a pore minimizing face mask.
5. SABOTAGE WAS A WHOLE LOT EASIER
Back in 1997, Julia Roberts’s character had to go through the excruciating effort of sneaking into Kimmy’s dad’s office and to send out a bogus email to make Michael think Kimmy’s family was determined to control the rest of his life. In 2016, technology has made sabotaging relationships exponentially easier. Julianne would have so many more options now: photoshopping pics of Michael partying in Cabo with a bevy of bimbos, setting up a fake Tinder account for him and “accidentally” letting Kimmy see it, and don’t even get us started on how scandalous she could have made his browser history look. With all these modern day relationship sabotage methods just a click away, we can’t believe anyone’s still getting married at all.