Son of a bitch. He stole my line.
Boston is one of the oldest cities in the United States. It’s also one of the best places in the entire world to party, or as they say “pah-ty.”
Hulu’s Summer Road Trip is celebrating Beantown with the Oscar winning film Good Will Hunting. The film tells the story of a mathematical genius from the wrong side of the tracks who works as a janitor at MIT until his talents are discovered by a prestigious professor. Good Will Hunting is a true celebration of Boston—from the classic track-suited Southie locals to the meaningful dialogue between Matt Damon and Robin Williams down on the Common.
We’re tipping our hats to the movie by merging complicated mathematics with the truly unique terminology that native Bostonians are known for to create a series of “Very Boston Equations.” Like any good mathematician, we’ve “shown our work” beneath each equation for anyone who’s unfamiliar with classic Boston terminology.
(NOTE: ALL EQUATIONS ARE TO BE READ OUT LOUD WITH A RAGING BOSTON ACCENT)
Equation 1: Food Functions
How We Got There: Legal Seafood Clam Chowder is the standard by which all other New England Clam Chowders are measured. A Fenway Frank is a classic hot dog purchased at Red Sox stadium. And a lobstah roll? Self-explanatory. These three classic Boston meals add up to a few thousand calories, but what’s a couple of clogged ah-teries matter when you’re living the good life?
Equation 2: Finding the Diameter of a Dunkies
How We Got There: Did you do a few too many keg stands at your second cousin Kevin’s bachelor pah-ty to celebrate his shotgun wedding to that hottie from Falmouth? That’s what Bostonians call a “Rippah.” Did you get stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on Commonwealth Avenue when a bunch of people stopped to gawk at a fender bender? That’s a Gahkablahka. The best thing for you to do at this point is to Bang a U-ie (known elsewhere as a U-Turn) and find the latest Dunkies (aka Dunkin’ Donuts) to get yourself a cruller and a coffee regular (that’s with cream and sugar).
Equation 3: Sine and Co-Sine of a Skeezah Boss
How We Got There: Get canned from your job as a hostess at Friendly’s cause your boss is an uptight Skeezah (aka jerk)? Good fah you. That means you got the day off. Even if you’re stuck way out in Allston-Brighton you can hop on the B-Line and take a very slow ride on the above ground subway (called “the T” in Boston). Cruise on down to Boston Common and feed the ducks in the pond with some of those leftover crinkle cut French fried “bahdadoes” from work—that’s how Bostonians say “potatoes”.
Equation 4: The Shortest Distance to the Packie
How We Got There: In Boston, a liquor store is better known as a “Packie,” so if you’re looking to get your drink on, a stroll down to the packie for a case of locally brewed brew is your best bet. Just watch out in case you run into some smaht Alec who thinks it’s funny to don a Yankees hat in Kenmore Square. That’s someone who’s basically saying: “You wanna go?”—the classic Boston expression for “let’s step outside and settle this with some good old fashioned fisticuffs”.
Equation 5: Finding the Root of Nana in Rozzie
How We Got There: In Boston, your grandma is almost always called your Nana. Nana don’t drink no more, so just bring her some tonic—that’s what the rest of the country calls soda. Sure she’s diabetic but since she don’t drink no mo’ah she’s gotta live it up a little, right? How ‘bout bringin’ her a milkshake (known in Boston as a frappe) with a healthy serving of Jimmies (the Boston term for sprinkles)? That way she’s sure to keep slippin’ a $10 bill in your Christmas cahd every year.
Got your own wicked good ideas for a totally Boston equation? Leave them in the comments section below.
What: Good Will Hunting Screening Event (free)
When: Friday, August 5 @ 7pm
Where: Assembly Row in Somerville (Somerville, MA)
To find out if Hulu’s Summer Road Trip is coming to a city near you, read here.