Trailers and I go back a while. It’s kind of a love/hate relationship. You see, I love trailers but they don’t love me.

What do I love? I love the art form of the trailer. I love the way it’s able to tell a complete story in three minutes. In this way, a great trailer can play kind of the way a great music video does. I love the way they’re edited together, especially with a great song or piece of scoring. There’s often no better showcase for the majesty of cinematography than a trailer, as trailer editors know how to pick the money shots like no other. And let’s face it; the practice of getting you into the theaters has been refined to a very precise formula. In theory, there’s no better way to get someone excited to see a movie than the trailer, and I’m the same way.

But I don’t seek trailers out anymore. In fact sometimes in theaters when they come on I have to actively avoid them, either by spacing out or, in extreme circumstances, closing my eyes and covering my ears. It’s ridiculous, I know, but it’s become a necessity.

Why? Because I’ve found in the past that some of my very favorite filmic experiences are the ones that I’ve gone into with the least amount of knowledge.

I like being surprised and I absolutely treasure the first exposure to a film. It’s just not the same when the best jokes, the best scenes, or even the coolest looking shots are already familiar. I want to experience each of these things for the first time as part of the tapestry of the film, not separately. When watching a movie that I’ve seen a lot of footage from, it’s as if the threads of that tapestry are just a bit duller than they would have been had I not seen it at all.

Let’s face it, some trailers are just horrible about how much they show. Every trailer gives away the hook, most give away the closing of the first act, and some even give away the look and feel of the final act and climax. There’s a reason these things are laid out in a certain order in the story and I like, as an audience member to respect that.

And not only that, but there’s something magical about going into a theater (or viewing) without any knowledge of what you’re getting into at all. I know Austin Powers is a ridiculed franchise these days, but I remember giving it a chance on pay-per-view knowing literally nothing about it beyond the fact that I liked Mike Myers and having no expectations was pleasantly surprised by what I found. I hadn’t had any of the jokes ruined for me and each one delivered. Because I knew nothing even finding out the setting and the genre were moments that worked in the films favor, and appearances of actors that I liked made me smile.

And you know what, I don’t need trailers to make my decisions on films. I can decide primarily on the filmmaker and cast involved, possibly with a bit of premise, genre, or cast thrown in. I rely mostly on word of mouth from podcasts and blogs and if I can, avoid anything that really represents serious details. In other words, I find out from sources with similar taste to mine whether or not I am likely to enjoy the film, and make educated decisions based on the people involved. I don’t need to see a bit of footage or a still of film to walk into a theater. If it’s not that great, that’s fine, I took a gamble, but if it is it’s going to be something truly special. Trailers can’t be avoided so I usually end up seeing them eventually, and I’m always so tempted by that love for the way they’re crafted and the way they’re enjoyable completely on their own. But in a perfect world I wouldn’t have to make that decision at all, and maybe trailers could exist as awesome tributes to the films I love (or films I decided not to see otherwise).

There’s a happy medium here. Some filmmakers have gone out and made trailers completely fresh with no footage in the film involved. They just try to capture the tone of the film and essentially end up with a short film that works all on its own while. This is truly awesome, and I wish it happened more often. But sadly Godzilla is the only example I can think of off the bat, though there’s more I’m sure. Teaser trailers are nice too, I like when I can get an idea of how a film feels without really seeing much content. Wall-E’s early teaser was a good example. We get a feel for Wall-E’s character, the set-up, and the feel of the film (love the music which I later found was from Brazil), and not much else. It worked for me and got me to see the film. But then again, all you have to do is put the word PIXAR on a poster and you’d have my money.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to divorce myself from trailers. They’re simply unavoidable (and sometimes too good). But I do always feel torn and feel that they’ve slightly tainted my moviegoing experience. I’ll never know what that totally fresh viewing would be like for most of the films that turned out to be favorites of mine. But I have had a few really good trailer-free experiences that lead me to believe my movie watching world would be a better place without trailers. Even  though I love them.

This year, we’ve created our very own 2011 Movie Trailer Awards. Yep, we love The Golden Trailer Awards. They’re comprehensive and brilliant and startling accurate. But we decided that normal category nominations such as “best sound effects” and “best movie trailer voice over” just wouldn’t cut it for this year’s quality contenders. So we’ve erected some new pillars of notoriety that will undoubtedly come off as either arrantly awesome or blatantly offensive—so much so that they’ll make your stomach “Flip” (get it? Flipsy? We thought that was clever too). Either way, you’ll have a strong visceral response to the insanity that follows. And hopefully you’ll appreciate the unapologetic arrogance and flagrant disregard for talent, artistic prowess, and any minutiae of credible critical analysis. Enjoy.

“Best Demonstration of Why Celebutants Should Never Be Cast in Serious Character Roles”

My Week with Marilyn — As talented as I think Michelle Williams is (one of the finer actresses of her generation), I literally cannot look at her without making a direct association with the high-profile back story of her private life. My brain sifts through countless US Weekly covers, TMZ.com photos, and Entertainment Weekly articles.  Coaxing the audience to suspend disbelief is pretty much a prerequisite when it comes to delivering an authentic, character-driven performance (especially one that channels such an iconic, recognizable pop culture figure such as Marilyn Monroe), and in no way, shape, or form, am I even slightly able to conflate the identities of these two women. And it’s not just the back story association either, it’s her high profile status as an actress. In biopics like this, sometimes it’s best to pick an actress/actor whose highly-publicized persona will not eclipse the actual object of the biopic.

“Most Emotionally Manipulative Trailer”

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Stop rolling your eyes for a second and admit to yourself  (and to your self-help group) that you’re at least the tiniest bit curious as to whether or not Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart actually end up having sex in this film. We’ve been patient enough to tolerate the chastity-crazed storyline that has been mercilessly woven throughout the fabric of 3 excruciatingly sexless films, that exist, as far as I’m concerned, only as forensic foreplay leading up to the main explosive event that is bound to take place in the final installation of this highly-overrated film franchise. In fact, the first half of this trailer is a flagrant testament to this very argument (literally, the first 1:15 of this trailer looks like it’s been pulled straight from a strangely-family-friendly soft-porn. If you don’t believe me, time the trailer as you watch it and see for yourself). But beyond the unabashed and shameless campaign for teen sex, everything about this trailer screams over-stimulus. First we have the much-anticipated vindication of the vampire/human consummation, then there’s the pregnancy, then the pregnancy may kill Kristen Stewart, which may in turn spawn a war between werewolves and vampires, which may effectively destroy Kristen/Robert’s marriage, which simultaneously catches the eye of the evil vampire council, potentially spawning a world war between vampires, humans, and werewolves. I mean, come on! There’s only so much we can take in one two minute trailer. I can’t possibly imagine that the film handles the ridiculous over-dramatization and fantastical complexity with any more skill or panache.

“Best Trailer featuring Judi Dench”

J.Edgar – Um. Yeah. I just wanted to create a category that gratuitously and inappropriately promotes the utter awesomeness that is Judi Dench.  Good thing dame Judi was actually in a trailer this year, otherwise I would have had to post a poorly-edited, low-budget (I knew I installed iMovie on my Mac for some reason!) video of a tasteful cross-dressing community theatre actor impersonating Judi Dench impersonating Cuba Gooding Jr. in this year’s highly-coveted, post-modernist tasteful re-make of Boyz  n the Hood (Ok I made that part up, but I’d have to pull some kind of misdirection stunt to get this category the well-deserved attention that it should.

“Best Trailer That Should Only Be Watched While Coddling a Miller High Life”

Jack and Jill – Nope you guessed wrong, it’s not The Rum Diary (come on, do you really think we’d be that obvious?). I picked Jack and Jill because if I have to sit through 2 minutess of Adam Sandler’s double-sex buffoonery, it’s the only way I can really watch this thing. Alcohol is clinically proven to minimize a bad movie-induced gag reflex. PS: The Church of Scientology has Katie Holmes on a pretty long leash with this one.

“Best Blatant Exploitation of Young, Hot Tail”

Sleeping Beauty – The unapologetic exploitation of Emily Browning’s “not so hard on the eyes” physical assets seems to have become somewhat of a pattern in Hollywood as of late (um, can you say Suckerpunch?). Come on Hollywood casting directors – give this girl at least the smallest chance to have a long-lasting career that’s not purely and solely dependent upon her capacity to pucker her already over-sized, collagen-rampant lips. Just because the voice-over invokes the illusion of a high-brow, and erudite artsy salutation, doesn’t mean we’re in the least bit fooled. This honestly feels like a loosely strewn-together talent reel for an up-and-coming model trying to get cast in some hipster’s re-furbished Andy Warhol tribute exhibit in So Ho.  We get it. Your movie is so sophisticated that only .001% of the population is sophisticated enough to understand its sophisticated sophistication.  The same .001% of the population that stares at back-alley walls for hours on end trying to derive crucial meaning from the existential nature of hacky-sacks amidst the chaotic-yet-organized order of the universe.

“Best Regurgitated Yet Strangely Addictive Story-line” 

American Reunion - I was going to name this category, “Best job riding off the coat-tails of previous franchise films’ successes,” but this seemed slightly less bellicose. When the trailer first opens, I felt only a slight knee-jerk upchuck reflex, until the music picks up, and Jim is immediately emasculated, Stiffler makes a chauvinist quip remark to a couple just-out-of-the-sorority colleagues, and Kevin has turned into a house-husband.  I suddenly found myself strangely interested in the character development of my favorite teen-clan of losers-turned-egomaniacs. How far will the creators of the American Pie franchise actually push the envelope with the situational shock-value humor this time around, since they’ve all but drained the proverbial keg of pee-poo-semen-awkward-sex jokes via the first 3 installments. After all, you can only regurgitate the same gag-evoking humor, ludicrous character quirks, and right of passage story-lines so many times… or can you? If one thing’s for certain, it’s that we can absolutely expect our underdog cast of boys-turned-men who are perpetually striving for sexual vindication to cross all new boundaries of sexual inappropriateness that was previously not within comedic grasp: pedophilia. After all, it was the objectification and exploitation of young, ripe high school girls that made the original such a smash hit in the first place, so why fix a formula that ain’t broken? As Dazed and Confused’s creepy-but-lovable Wooderson (or was it Lao-tse?) so eloquently put it: “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” A nugget of wisdom from the highest order of truth.

It’s Oscar Movie Trailer Season, so we’ve been holed up in hulu.com/trailers trying to figure what to watch in a theatre in a post-Turkey coma. It got us thinking: We do this every year and get ceaselessly excited about some of these previews, but sometimes the experience of watching only the trailer is better than seeing the whole movie. This doesn’t mean the movie is unwatchable or even mediocre. It sometimes just showcases that trailers can be a work of art by themselves. So we’ve decided to commemorate a few of them—eight, to be exact—with a list to let them know that we love them.—Ed.

Battle: Los Angeles (2011)

Based solely off of the trailer, “Battle: Los Angeles” was toward the top of my list of “must-see movies,” with its creepy, robotic soundtrack provided by Johann Johannsson and the images of the destruction of familiar Santa Monica landmarks by unknown alien aircrafts. Being a huge disaster movie fan—as well as a big alien invasion movie fan—I was sold.  The trailer itself is just gorgeous, action-packed, and full of emotion.

The movie is none of the above.

Luckily, I was unable to catch the movie in theaters, but was able to catch it late on an uneventful Friday night thanks to VOD.  The movie was a mess and immediately I was able to catch things that were featured in the trailer, but completely failed in the film:

1) Familiar Los Angeles landmark destruction – Living in L.A., I love seeing how films get creative in destroying most of the city.  Being filmed in Baton Rouge, La., this was nearly impossible for the “Battle: L.A.” crew.  No Dodger Stadium.  No LAX.  No Staples Center. Most of the movie takes place in a foggy “Santa Monica,” making it more like Battle:West Side, than Battle:Los Angeles.

2) Alien attacks galore – Not only did the trailers show about 90% of the total amount of alien attacks in the movie, but alien attacks were featured only in about 30 minutes towards the beginning of the film.  The rest of the film turned into an extended U.S. Marines commercial, with a lack of alien viewing.

3) Humanity vs. the Unknown – The most impressive part of the trailer was how the trailer makers were able to capture certain emotions from every walk of life. A marine with his crew.  A person watching the news.  A woman with her child.  I was expecting more of a look into the trials of humanity that would come with what seemed to be a never before seen traumatic event.  Unfortunately, the movie focused so much on “killing the alien scum” and protecting our rights as Americans that it completely glossed over the idea of the everyman and the events taking place.

When the credits rolled, I realized that the movie was hands down the worst trailer to movie ratio of goodness I had ever encountered. From most anticipated movie of the year, to most disappointing movie of the year in a short 116 minutes.—Gabe Pasillas

Up In The Air (2009)

This is the mother of them all, a big, gutty mission statement and a full piece of art itself, compacted into two minutes and narrated by George Clooney. If that sounds like everything life should be, it is.

The book of the same name by Walter Kirn is this toothy, assured ode to a warm voice. It’s a Mad Men episode written by Hemingway in the sky. It’s Brooks Brothers and Cognac and a put-together woman that wants to live in your briefcase but you won’t let it happen.

Director Jason Reitman found it in a used bookstore a few years ago and fell in love with it. That’s how you create a very good movie. The trailer is his impersonation of the voice of that book condensed into a few short, prescient sentences.

The movie wound up covered in sap. It ran back on itself, tripped on its heels a little, and swallowed the first third when it fell. It’s still a borderline great film, but the trailer is everything you’d want in a movie, spoken in hot breath.—Ben Collins

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

The first stills from Tim Burton’s “Alice In Wonderland” were thrilling and tantalizing- Ann Hathaway appeared ethereal and haunting, Mia Wasikowska was at her pale, wan best, and Johnny Depp looked, well, actually not that crazier than he usually does after teaming up with Burton. We waited with bated breath for the trailer, which didn’t disappoint. Love him or hate him, Tim Burton is an expert at creating new worlds, and this preview of his dark, gritty Wonderland was a surreal treat.

But like so many of Burton’s recent efforts, “Alice” had little of his earlier projects’ charm and delight. Burton’s Wonderland was hostile and forbidding, and the plot strayed drastically from the irreverent whimsy of the original story. Alice is all grown up in this sequel, bearing the weight of Wonderland on her shoulders. The excitement of the stunning visual design wore off as the storyline proved extremely conventional. Audiences searching for a fanciful escape found themselves trudging tediously through this movie.—Naivasha Dean

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

You’re not going to believe this, but Julianna Marguiles is the female lead in this movie.—Ben Collins

The Break Up (2006)

I remember this movie getting an exorbitant amount of promotion within every marketing channel in existence. You couldn’t turn on your TV, open a magazine or newspaper, or pass a billboard without seeing Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn’s sneaky little smirks affectionately separated by a piece of duct tape strewn between them. And for good reason: This movie trailer rocks. You get Vince Vaughn’s dry, witty, under-cutting one-liners followed adeptly by Jennifer Aniston’s coy, clever, and seemingly-aloof rebuttals, interspersed with bit-sized cameo appearances by highly one-dimensional, slapstick, caricature-centric supporting characters such as John Favreau, Jason Bateman, Judy Davis, Justin Long, and John Michael Higgins. The trailer beautifully weaves together some of the films’ most absurdly comical moments while building some serious “battle-of-the-sexes” momentum, all this tied together with the film’s heavy star-power and a nude on-screen appearance by none other than the bodacious Jennifer Aniston should have given this power-packed film all the ammo it needed to be a box-office smash hit, right?

Wrong.

The problem wasn’t the content or quality of the film itself, which was, in fact, a pretty damned good film. The problem was that this film was marketed as campy comedy, when in reality, the film is actually a drama with overlays of clever comedy interspersed throughout. Unfortunately, films that live within the grey area of these two seemingly oppositional genres pose serious challenges for film marketers, because if you go too far in one direction, you risk alienating one audience, and if you waiver somewhere in the middle, you don’t create serious allure for key market demos. So they went with comedy – and audiences naively went into theatres expecting light comedy fare, only to have their emotional heart-strings taken for a fast-ride off a seaside cliff.  An unfair hand of cards dealt both to the film, and to consumers. But check out the trailer if you get a chance, because if there’s one thing that’s certain, it’s that this trailer will make you feel substantially better about your own messy and blissfully-drama-filled love life (or lack thereof).—Brooke Citron

Bellflower (2011)

This movie was actually very good, but I watch this trailer instead of punching people sometimes. It is a valuable tool. After I watch the third play through this thing, I feel like I’ve just drank a Miller High Life and broken up with infamous and undeserving celebrity. It’s magic.—Ben Collins

Watchmen (2009)

It hurts to think what the film version could’ve been. From the music to the cinematography (like Nite Owl’s ship emerging from water against a dark New York City backdrop), the Watchmen trailer elegantly introduced the characters and storyline with style, sex appeal and suspense. Too bad the movie itself was a disjointed mess, but I’ll blame Alan Moore’s venomous spit on that.—Sheila Dichoso

Comedian (2002)

This movie is a documentary about Jerry Seinfeld struggling to piece together a standup set. This trailer is about learning that the movie trailer voice guy might have fallen off the tire swing a few times as a child.—Ben Collins