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Top Rope Opera: WWE’s A Soap for the Ages

November 4th, 2011 by Andrea Marker Hulu

Affairs. Love triangles. Swapped paternity results. Comas. Amnesia. With drama like this, you’d think I was describing an episode of “General Hospital,” “Days of Our Lives,” or even “All My Circuits.”

But I’m not. I’m actually describing WWE.

Your husbands, boyfriends, and sons may tell you they watch WWE for the fights, but they’re really watching for the stories, which are just as melodramatic as anything Erica Kane pulled in her 41 years lording over Pine Valley. Remember the time that WWE owner Vince McMahon thought that Hornswoggle was his illegitimate son, but Finlay turned out to be the father? Or the time that Diva Dawn Marie made out with Torrie Wilson, married Torrie’s father, and then caused his fatal heart attack after a particularly rigorous honeymoon? (Naturally, Torrie avenged her father by taking on her step-mother/ex in the ring.) Or what about the time that Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio settled a child custody dispute in a ladder match?

There’s a reason South Park focused more on story than strikes in their take on wrestling.

The ladies of daytime may fight more with subterfuge than smack downs, but you can’t tell me it’s a huge leap between Sami from Days of Our Lives…

…and WWE Diva Beth Phoenix.

So if you’re looking for a new fix to replace All My Children and One Life to Live, why not check out what the men of Raw, NXT, and SmackDown are up to? Besides, if these soaps weren’t worth it, the guys would just watch UFC.