Hulu finagled a show today called Guinea Pig. It was described to me as “Jackass meets Mythbusters, but from Canada.” It was delivered slathered in maple syrup by Steve Nash, signed by the entire cast of Degrassi.
And, yep, it’s a show about a guy getting sprayed with some calienté pepper spray before he gets shot in the, uh, cajones with a taser. It is, in fact, muy bueno.
I know. Very learned, all of this Spanish, from a guy who has spent a lot of today watching a guy get punched in the face by a professional boxer.
These shows are my speed right now. Because of these wonderful programs, I know that the worst possible thing a policeman can do to you is overdo it with pepper spray. It’s supposedly one of the worst experiences in the world. This is worse than getting shot in a fleshy part of your body, and this show confirms it.
I know this, and I have no idea how to make an omelet.
I’m not particularly proud of this, but, good God, have I become an expert in shows where people are shoved into tubs of ice. And I have learned to make the best of it.
A couple of days ago, I rented Jackass 3 and guiltlessly cried laughing the entire time. Sounds impossible, but it isn’t if you do it right. And by do it right, I mean you should pick up a damn book—any book, preferably one of those ones without pictures in it—and read it, invest yourself in it, then wait for the screams. Wait for the screams, yes, then rewind and cry laughing.
You will feel so good about yourself.
Maybe get a Rosetta Stone, or something, and aprender some Español. When your obsession grows too big, you’ll know when the guy is screaming for help after he breaks his tibia on Telemundo.