Well, it’s time to start clutching your World’s Greatest Boss mugs and begin crying loudly in a corner. Not only is Michael Scott leaving The Office, but he’s leaving the show about a month before the end of its season.
Deep breaths. It’s going to be okay.
Remember, as Michael once said, “Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been ever. For any reason whatsoever.”
Sure, that doesn’t make any sense. But feel free to construe it as something positive about his departure. We’re sure he’s going to leave in a dignified and respectable manner.
Yep, that was a joke.
But his exit will be a calculated one, Office head writer Daniel Chun told E! Friday.
“He will earn the ending he gets. I think there are multiple plausible endings for him. He could get fired, he could get promoted, he could decide to quit it all and go to Hollywood. He could find love or he could crash and burn romantically. He’s poised for a number of things but the thing that’s a promise is that he will deserve what he gets.”
With that said, here are our guesses for how he’ll leave Dunder-Mifflin. — Ben Collins, Assistant Editor
Holly breaks up with her fiancé to be with Michael. They move back to Nashua, marry in a MacGruber-themed wedding, and raise three infinitely quirky, gaffe-prone children.
Odds – 10,000,000:1
Glad we got that out of the way. Admit it: You’re rooting against this while simultaneously hoping it happens with every fiber of your being.
It would be perfect: Holly is the only woman who makes sense of Michael’s impossible demeanor. It allows him the opportunity to have kids, which he’s wanted since he welcomed cameras into his Scranton office. And it would give hope to all of humanity that even the Michael Jordan of relationship failures will eventually find his long-lost, sexy Scottie Pippen.
It would also make too much sense. Even if we hope it doesn’t.
One of Ryan’s ridiculous startup concepts proves relatively profitable; Michael’s secret share in the company lets him retire.
Odds – 112:1
A social networking site that pumps disgusting liquids into your waterbed. Jet skis for dogs. How-to books for how-to books. All of these ideas are awful. All of these ideas are slightly better than temp-turned-sales guy Ryan’s WUPHF.com.
Something involving Creed, loose cattle, a hand dryer, and a debilitating injury.
Odds – 40:1
Is it possible that they’d kill off Michael? Would we cry if this took place? Better question: Would everyone in the world cry if this took place? This would be the national equivalent of drinking a tub of hot sauce while watching the end of The Notebook and Field of Dreams simultaneously.
Maybe that Friday would be a national holiday.
Odds – 275:2
Self-explanatory when you see the Dunder-Mifflin team in action.
Michael gives a long, involved speech that he’s certain will unite a nation and dramatically announces his departure. To everyone but Michael, the speech means nothing at all.
Odds – N/A
Wait, this has already taken place?
Ousted by David Brent (Ricky Gervais) in international Sabre merger and subsequent shakeup.
Odds – 150:1
A man can dream.
Befriends crime-fighting dog; saves Scranton from Gabe’s underground narcotics and terror organization; disappears mystically, a beautiful crusader of the night, into the vast nothingness. No one asks questions.
Odds – 2:1
The Top Dog ending is the leader in the clubhouse.